Desperately Need a Cleaning Person

So last Wednesday our cleaning person no-showed. attempts to call her went straight to machine. We called two friends of hers - they all live in an apartment near the shuk for Sri Lankans trying to eke by some basic financial support for their families back home. Everyone's phone went straight to machine. Our only possible conclusion is that they were all deported by our government because their work visas were no longer valid.

We've spent the last week trying to find new cleaning people but to no avail. No one has time. There is a massive shortage of people willing to clean houses in this country (I imagine it's similar to the morons on the right in the u.s. that want all the illegals deported there as if any native American is willing to bus table or pick fruits and vegetables). And the government has taken it upon itself to deport a labor force that provides a valuable service, improves the country's GDP by freeing up individuals to focus on work as opposed to the menial task of cleaning their house. It brings to mind the old phrase: That government which governs best governs least. Bitching won't get our house clean. So please if you know one, send them our way. We're getting desperate here!

Jerusalem - Now a Real City!

So I just got back from spending my morning at the National Wine and Alcohol Discount Center on Haoman Street in Talpiot and it was awesome (no, i'm not being paid a dime to write this ;-)! I dropped around 1,000 shek on 3 cases of wine, booze and beer. With 600 square meters of wall to wall booze, this place is like nothing I've ever seen in Israel - and very little I've seen out of Israel (advertising does work - I saw the ad in the JPost this weekend and decided I had to get there and soon).

In addition to the usual wine deals (which in many cases are on par with the best deals in the shuk but not better), I scored some serious deals on liquor and beer. A bottle of Baccardi was only 80 shek (it's routinely 110 in other places). I got a bottle of 12 year old single malt for just over 200 shek - also a great deal for Israel. But the beer prices were far and away the best. Leffes are only 7 1/2 shek. I got a six pack of Grolsch for 32 shek - that's cheaper than Goldstar. And I got a 4 pack of San Miguel for just 24 shek. The one beer I didn't see there was Taybeh (from Palestine) - it's an excellent beer and usually well priced. I mentioned this to the storekeeper and he told me that since they opened less than a month ago, they're stilling filling out their stock.

I also snagged a bottle of New Zealand's Goose Bay Chardonay (included in wine lists in the WSJ and NY Times) for 89 shek - a bottle I have yet to find anywhere else in Israel. Also got some Baron Herzog from Cali for 33 shek - definitely a good price considering it's an import).

All in all, a morning well spent. Israel, you've come a long way - you should only go from strength to strength.

Rockin Dentist Mix

So I was at a new dentist this morning after I had a filling fall out last night while flossing (not the first time that's happened) and I decided to try someone in the neighborhood as opposed to driving into the center of the city, finding parking or waiting for a bus and that whole hassle. He was pretty good on the whole with one caveat - he started drilling way too soon before the novacane shot (I think it probably takes several minutes to fully kick in). It hurt like a bitch - like he was right up against the nerve or something. Also, he was a new French immigrant and his Hebrew was no bargain and my French was even worse but we still managed to communicate somehow and he didn't drill the wrong tooth or anything.

So anyway, when I got home, sitting here at my desk with the whole right side of my mouth still numb, I decided to throw together this little Dentist Mix. Feel free to make suggestions for more tracks in the comments section - I think I have a good start here...

click to enlarge

How I Spent My American Summer

I was in the U.S. for a full month along with the fam. We split the time between Riverdale and Syracuse. Here's a brief overview of my trip 'by the numbers' without getting into too much detail on any single item as the kids are staying up/waking up at ungodly hours and are caught somewhere between Jerusalem and NY time:

I played poker once at Turning Stone Casino near Syracuse and won $102. I play online occasionally so it's nice to see how my skills stack up in the real world. Apparently, they stack up fairly well as I didn't get particularly good cards and my margin of earnings came mainly from pots I bluffed people out of without what i imagine was the winning hand.

I got two suits - first time I've gotten a new suit since my wedding five years ago (love ya babe)! I had to get them for three work-related events I had including a visit to the ETF Group at the NY Stock Exchange (thanks Phil!) where I got taken onto the floor during trading hours. There was also a really awesome Company event at NY Vintners that included all you could drink good Israeli wine and Deli from Noah's Ark.

Saw three movies: Toy Story 3 - seriously awesome, Grown Ups - I miss Adam Sandler from 15 years ago!, and The Kids Are Alright - entertaining but really pretty dumb in a Hollywood sort of way.

Ate in/ordered out from four great restaurants: Blossom, a vegan place on the Upper West Side, Le Mare with my great Aunt and Uncle - always great food and conversation, Sushi Metzuyan in Queens - serious Japanese food fest with Simone's bro and sis-in-law and my bro, and we got takeout from Carlos and Gaby's, an excellent Kosher Mexican NYC food chain.

I went to five concerts, four of which were excellent in their own right. We saw Willie nelson at Radio City - that was simply awesome - he's such a great performer, a total crack up on stage. And the fans are hilarious - total drunken rednecks - not mid-town Manhattan types at all. I also saw Umphrey's McGee in Utica while we were in Syracuse - that was the worst of the concerts by far. Then Lotus and Sound tribe Sector 9 at the Roseland Ballroom - people danced so hard it was like an Indian Sweat Lodge (special shout-out to Bron and Vinnick for throwing down old school style). And finally last week two Phish shows at Jones Beach on Tuesday and Wednesday night, which was the summer tour closer. As always, a great time was had by all - was great to have my boy Noam at both shows - he was the maniac filming in the lot with expensive film equipment and I'm happy to say he scored face tickets to both shows without having any in advance. Saw lots of other friends, the music was great, was there with three of my sibs which was tons of fun as well. And of course, I always love sharing in the groove with Simone most of all!

We also spent lots of time hanging with my parents and in-laws - they're all great people and very unique in their own right so that's always a good time. We spent lot of time debating the downtown mosque which led to some very funny conversation, especially at the Shabbat table in my house in Riverdale.

Special shout outs to Zaki, who got me embroiled in what should be an awesome fantasy football season and Eytan for making it back from China in time for at least one night of drinking ;-)

All in all, an excellent stay in the U.S. of A. but I'm also glad to be home.

There's Hope Yet

Gabe Pransky was so kind as to share this post on 'The New Face of the IDF' with me on Google Reader (btw, anyone with a Gmail account can sign up for the Common Sensorium's rss feed and get off my email list ;-). It tells the story (briefly) of an Arab girl from the Galilee, Elinor Jozef, who become the first female Arab combat soldier in the IDF. Despite objections from her friends, who remind Elinor the IDF kills Arabs, Elinor replies:

There was a Katyusha that fell near my house [during the 2nd Lebanon War] and also hurt Arabs. If someone would tell me that serving in the IDF means killing Arabs, I remind them that Arabs also kill Arabs... I believe in what I am doing…[a]t the end of the day, this will always be my home too.

So thank you Elinor Jozef for breaking down boundaries and bringing together people of differing backgrounds who share in common that they live in Israel, in a single country on a single piece of land.

As the article concludes:

Tellingly, Jozef does not distinguish between Jew, Arab, Muslim or Christian – in as much as the katyusha rockets from across the border do not make the same distinction either. For her they are all equal; they are all Israelis. And so too is she.

As someone who disavows ideological identities, the Common Sensorium salutes you! At the end of the day, people can't really be boiled down merely to the sum total of their beliefs. There is so much more color and complexity than that. Elinor Jozef realizes this at the young age of 20. Anti-Israel ideologues everywhere, take note.

Non-Israelis Need Not Apply

I really shouldn't be blogging on a Friday with so much work to do so I'll make this brief (my epic blog on my best 10 concert experiences ever will have to wait... ;-(

My only point today is that people that don't live in Israel and don't understand the complexity of the situation here and Jewish-Arab/Muslim dynamics shouldn't express strong political opinions one way or another. I have had only positive interactions with Arab residents of this city since moving here almost 6 years ago. The just-ended World Cup only served to highlight that. I had many 'football'-related conversations with passersby, cabbies, gas station attendants, people out strolling on the local promenade overlooking the old city, mostly with arabs. They were all pleasant and fun - Arabs take their football very seriously.

It was capped with my going to watch the final this past Sunday with my friend David over at his work, JVP. I ran into the former editor in chief of Seeking Alpha there with his son (what up Mick?!) - he works there now and sat in the row behind us. Directly in front of him was an old ulpan buddy of mine named Wahid, an Arab E. Jerusalemite. He does some freelance work for JVP and lives nearby in Abu Tor - a mixed Arab-Jewish neighborhood nearby. The ulpan I attended in early 2006 was mixed about 50/50 between Jewish immigrants and E. Jerusalemite Arabs looking to improve their Hebrew for university. Wahid and I always hit it oof and Sunday night was no exception. He seemed genuinely excited to have run into me and spoke very highly of me to his friend he was there with (also Arab). He's a huge football nut (of course) and a generally very affable guy who spends much of his time working with Jews. We agreed to hopefully meet up again sometime soon (I'm leaving to NYC for a month in 3 days).

I write all this because the general perception among both the left and the right living outside this country is that all (or the vast majority of) Arabs living in Israel hate Jews. For the left, it is because of the original sin of Jewish resettlement in this place, only exacerbated by 43 years of settler activity. For the right, it is offered as 'proof' there will never be peace here so damn all Arab Israelis, let's just dig in deeper to our bunkers, because even if an Arab seems nice, he's really just trying to kill us. Living here daily, the reality is infinitely more complex. Oppinionated outsiders, please take note.

Elton John Rocks the Casbah

After months of lead-ups and cancelled gigs by other supposed top-flight acts (though IMHO, The Pixies and Elvis Costello pale in comparison), Elton John took the stage during the opening notes of the symphonesque (and damn trippy) Funeral For a Friend and rocked the crowd of 50,000 strong last night in Ramat Gan for almost three hours. He was clearly happy to be in Israel, giving a big F.U. to the musicians that have boycotted ('Ain't gonna stop me from coming here baby... Musicians don't cherry-pick their consciences, OK').

Sir Elton filled the stadium with his overpowering baritone and virtuosic piano playing that meandered from rock, blues, and country into jazz, honky tonk and gospel at times - especially during extended versions of Rocket Man, Levon, Take Me to the Pilot and Madman Across the Water. And his band rocked out hard - some of the band members have been playing with him since 1969 (who says rock musicians are fickle?). A few of his band members are straight out of Spinal Tap, which really added to the fun and was worth more than a few good-humored laughs... his guitarist Davey Johnstone wore cowboy boots, leather pants, a leopard print shirt, flowing blond hair, and get this, a double guitar! Totally awesome! People were dancing in the aisles and in-between the sections by the end of the night. I couldn't have asked for a better time.

Here's David Brinn's review from the JPost. I agree with the first talkback's comments - Brinn wasn't all that in tune with the crowd at all times, it seems. Still, it's a decent review. Shout out to my crew - my Tiny Dancer, Simone, Ilana Rachel's 'Alright Right for Fighting', lovebirds/Crocodile Rockers Hillel and Charlotte (who got married three weeks ago!), and Ora, the Designated Driver - you better watch out when she's on the roads, b/c the Bitch is Back, baby! Was amazing to be there with you all.

Peace!

The Neighborhood Bully Strikes Again

It's time for a bit of common sense. Some of you won't like it but that is what this blog is all about after all. Here's the unfortunate truth: The majority of people around the world hate Jews. Always have, probably always will. In demonizing Israel for doing the same thing any other nation would do - namely, defend its people against constant attack, the world has conveniently paved the way for Israel's Jewish residents to be massacred and to simply shrug and say, 'well they had it coming.'

Despite the obvious video footage showing how Israeli commandos were savagely beaten with pipes and knives as they landed on board boats trying to break our blockade of an enemy that refuses to recognize out right to exist, and the proof that this was an intentional provocation meant to demonize the world's lone Jewish state ('Go back to Aushwitz'), the world continues to condemn Israel. Sweden is boycotting Israeli ships. The Pixies cancel a show (do any of these groups consider cancelling shows in the U.S. despite the never-ending drone attacks on Pakistani and Afghani civilians). The Turks threaten to cut off ties. Even supposed allies like the U.S. don't really get our back. The NY Times continues to morally equivocate, as always with Israel.

People like Leon Pinsker in Auto-Emancipation believed the reason anti-semitism existed was because Jews lacked a state of their own; Had we had a country, we would be welcomed into the world of nations. I think 62 years after the founding of the state, we can safely conclude Pinsker couldn't have been more wrong.

So what's a lone Jewish state living in a sea of hate, surrounded by an ocean of indifference, hypocracy and double-standards to do? Is there any place on earth Jews are actually allowed to live? Or by simply defending ourselves in our country, are we flagrant 'offenders' no matter what the provocation or threat to our existence?

We need to remain a thorn in the world's side, continuing to survive and even thrive here against all odds. We need to start playing hardball with enemies sworn to our destruction. No one wants a quarter million dead Palestinians but if they continue to provoke us, demonize us, question our right to exist, push us to the point of existential threat, they will push us far enough that that may be the end result. Same with Iran.

The irony is that the biggest moral blight against Israel - the settlements - seem increasingly logical in a world that doesn't really even accept our right to Jerusalem or Tel Aviv. Can we really trust Islamists to not shoot missiles by the dozens into Tel Aviv were we to pull back to borders that left us just a 10 mile buffer in most places? Better we can live in relative peace than we cede land to people bent on our destruction and neither us or them has any modicum of peace.

If there was any lesson from the Flotilla incident, it's that when you beat someone to within an inch of his life, and his friend is standing there with a gun, you're liable to get shot. So a warning to the world: Israel has always been an incredibly just, moral and sensitive country. But we're painted as the least moral of countries. Reserved for us is the kind of condemnation that mass murderers and brutal dictators don't even receive (see North Korea's sinking of a South Korean ship in international waters with no provocation only a few months ago as Exhibit 'A'). So continue pushing us up against the wall like the Israeli commandos aboard the Mavi Marmara, continue to make us feel we have no friend in the world, continue to hit us and deny our right to hit back. Let's see if when all's said and done, Israel doesn't turn into the demon we've been painted as for too long. Because our will to live is stronger than anyone's will for us to die. And like Samson in the temple of Philistines (Palestinians?), if we're pushed far enough, only then will the world understand the true meaning of Jewish vengeance.

Working the EJ Message Boards

Check out my 'letter' posted on the main Elton John fansite in response to this retarded video montage asking Elton to cancel his Israel show, which is scheduled for 3 weeks from tonight!

Another Musical Boycott by Another Spoiled Liberal Hypocrite

Got my tix to Elton John in Tel Aviv yesterday (Thanks JJ)! Less than a month to go until showtime.

Some interesting Elton quotes from a recent interview he did:

It's all or nothing when it comes to drugs.
"For some people a gram of cocaine can last a month. Not me. I have to do the lot, and then I want more. At the end of the day, all it led to was heartache."

His take on Christianity.
"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East -- you're as good as dead."

As a gay man, Elton John has no illusions about muslim society in the way (apparently) shills like Santana and Elvis Costello - the latest all-knowing musician to cancel his gigs here for political reasons - do. Elton was recently banned from playing in Egypt because he's openly gay. As Tom Gross points out in the linked piece above, where were Elton's entertainer friends to defend him when he was banned from performing in a muslim country simply for being gay?

The defeaning silence of the very people who purport to criticize Israel on the grounds of non-discrimination and self-determination for the Palestinians says all you need to know about the true nature of their moral character.

Biting the Hand You Should Be Feeding

There was a great piece of journalism by the Jerusalem Post's Larry Derfner in this Saturday's magazine. It tells the story of how after 5 years, the Knesset abruptly decided to shut down Israel's version of the 'Wisconsin' Program which took people off of welfare and gave them job training and job placements and rewarded companies for placing people.

What is most irksome is that the program was just abandoned after its most successful year to date - certainly the program wasn't perfect but according to comprehensive research by the JDC, it was far more successful than the national employment office, and even more successful than similar programs in other countries. And it's a real pity, because it helped society's weakest members - 40% of the programs participants were Arab (many of them women being offered their first chance to work out of the house) and another 33% were immigrants.

So why was the program cancelled if it had been a success and was only become more effective?

According to Derfner, the Knesset caved in to the Histadrut - this country's labor monopoly, which only represents well-paid public sector employees. It was a classic socialist gambit - in the name of protecting the 'weaker' members of society and keeping away 'evil, private interests', the Knesset sided with rich, lazy unions over poor people trying their hardest to make it after many years of dejection and failure.

You see, Israeli socialism isn't real socialism. It's a system that pays homage to high ideals in name only. Its patron saints are nepotism and special interests, not to mention heavy bribery. 18,000 poor people losing their jobs is a small price to pay to uphold these sacred Israeli values. So in case you still hold that popular belief that Israel is somehow more moral than other countries, read the article. The Israeli people may have very high standards but our government is nothing of the sort. And until we find a way to make this a more just place, our leaders will continue to drag us down with them.

What Having Your Own State Is All About

So the state of building construction in Jerusalem is pretty much fucked. First we have a million and one developers capitalizing on the fact real estate prices never seem to fall in this city coupled with the fact Jews in America and Europe have lots of money and a desire to own a vacation home in Judaism's holiest city that they wish to frequent 2-3 weeks a year. That pretty much comprises all the building in west Jerusalem. None of it is affordable for people that actually live and earn their living in the city, not to mention frequent its businesses and cultural institutions more than 2 weeks a year.

Then you have the leader of the free world breathing down our backs on building over the 1949 armistice line - something to which our government has steadfastly refused. All the new building on this side of the city for Jews is of the affordable type that people like myself that work here can actually afford to buy on an Israeli salary (My apartment is technically located in what was no man's land so its status according to Obamalamadingdong may be somewhat murky).

Enter the Holyland building scandal. If you haven't heard about it, it's pretty much been the top story in the news here for weeks. Basically, what has emerged is that the way you get a building permit anywhere in Jerusalem is by pretty much bribing the entire city council from the mayor on down. The scandal even involves several members of the national government. Apparently there are similar bribery procedures in every major city in Israel if you want to get any serious building done.

Fit these pieces together and the picture becomes very clear: Obama has provided the perfect pretext for the people running this city and country to insist their continued building in Jerusalem is part of some high-minded Zionist principal, when it's really just a pretext to use their power to accept as many bribes as possible.

But isn't that what having your own state is all about. For 2,000 years Jews had to stand idly by while our gentile overlords took as many bribes as they could. Now we have our own state - we're the ones who get to dispense and take the bribes. That's what the line in Hatikva means when it says 'To be a free people in our own homeland.'

And that is what Palestinian statehood will ultimately be all about. Because this is the Middle East after all. Doesn't the Palestinian leadership deserve the same right to dispense building permits in Jerusalem in exchange for enormous kickbacks as Jews do? Certainly this unalienable right even the 'rightists' among you wouldn't deny them.

And if you disagree with me, I have a brand spanking new fiver that may help change your mind.

Obama Throws Like a Girly Man

There, I said it! Please don't hang me in effigy, liberal media. I really love Obama. I promise. I'll be good. I'll never again insult a sitting American President unless he speaks with a funny southern accent (that applies to everyone since Jimmie 'I'm a senile asshole' Carter through 'W.' (aka 'we've got') Bush (thank you Revenge of the Nerds!), and with the exception of 'ole Alzheimer's' Ronald.

Courtesy of the Daily Bail:



A friend and coworker of mine (shout out to Shira J. - whoo hoo, you're famous!) claims the pitch was actually not bad. My response was 'he's not handicapped and it's only 60 feet to home plate so actually it was fairly pathetic.'

And the Daily Bail's got my back:

I'm pretty sure James H.'s 7 year-old daughter has a better arm. (Editor's note: James' daughter is only 5, but sources confirm she throws harder than Barry.)

I just hope O's foreing policy is more on target than his fastball (bdum dum ching)...

Carlos, You Asshole

Gay people have once again proven why they're cooler than straights. That's right Elton John and Carlos Santana, I'm talking about you. I know this is a bit old but I just saw it yesterday.

Basically, Santana's road team tried blaming the cancelation of his June 3 Tel Aviv gig on scheduling issues but people on the Israeli production side have learned that the real reason he cancelled was due to anti-israel pressure placed on the rapidly aging rockstar. And he's still playing shows in Europe the week prior so his scheduling claims seem like a load of Mexican bullcrap.

Sir Elton on the other hand has been under intense pressure to cancel his Ramat Gan show since early February. And he hails from one of the most anti-Israel countries on earth, at least based on popular attitudes. Santana lives in a bastion of pro-Israel support, at least as far as the average American is concerned. I guess it's ok for Carlos to play shows all over a country that uses drones to kill innocent muslims in Afghanistan and Pakistan. But when it comes to Israel, all bets are off.

But enough about politics, because that's what they want us to focus on instead of the music, right? And music is about bringing people together and at its best, about making us better people on some visceral level. Elton John understands this. If music can't transcend politics, then what can? And that's why the Common Sensorium hates ideologues, right and left. Because it's all politics, all the time to them. And that's just lame.

In truth, I never bought a ticket to Santana anyway; concerts are expensive here so I had to pick my poison and I chose Elton for various reasons you will hear about when he comes in June. In the meantime, Viva l'Elton. It turns out Santana's just a big tool anyway.

Is It Wrong to Put a Baby's Penis in Your Mouth?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Andre's Open: I'd recommend It to Anyone

Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I actually finished this over the weekend but have been in transit and haven't had a chance to properly review yet. This book was simply awesome. Being a regular tennis player and fan certainly helped but I would recommend it to anyone. It's well-written, with suspenseful story-telling, and runs the full gamut of human emotion. To read Agassi's transformation from a selfish kid in the public eye, a 9th grade dropout with little self-knowledge, to a loving husband, father and a mentor to underprivileged kids in his hometown of Vegas is to actually experience it. Ghost writer J.R. Moehringer does an awesome job laying Agassi's feelings bare (and he's one emotional dude!). I laughed, cried and everything in between. It is, more than anything, a triumph of the human spirit.

P.S. I originally wrote this for my Good Reads account (http://www.goodreads.com) - I'd recommend the site to anyone who enjoy reading and sharing reviews with friends.

Reagan-Era Propaganda

Fun Facts About This Commercial

• It must have really worked, because I still remember it perfectly!
• Note the eery background music. Very scary indeed.
• Ronald Reagan's brain may have really looked like that at the time this commercial was made, because he likely had Alzheimer's Disease by the mid-80s.
  
• I really like the way fried eggs taste, especially when you leave the yoke a little 'juicy'.
  
• Last thing: If you stare at the egg yoke very closely, it sort of looks like those biology videos where a female egg is being fertilized.