Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Naked in Fairfax County, VA

So apparently, being naked in your home carries up to a year in prison in Fairfax County, VA. The Washington Post reports here. Eric Williamson was making breakfast naked is his own home, minding his own business when some cops arrived at his door and arrested him. Apparently a mother and her 7 year old son were passing by and saw him and did the obvious thing to do in that situation: they called the cops. They would have made for fine informants in Nazi Germany but that's besides the point.

Viewing nudity as some mortal sin stems from an overly Christian view of the human body in my opinion. If all sexuality is evil, then exposing a naked body, even in your own home, must be some sort of cardinal sin. Makes me glad I live in Jerusalem where the thought of imprisoning someone for this sort of thing would be laughable.

It also reminds me of a run-in I had with the law in Fairfax County, where this absurd comedy of justice is taking place. The year was 2002 and me and two friends (Eytan Bayme and Noam Osband) had done a 2 week spin from NYC down to the first Bonnaroo in Tennesse, then to Memphis, Little Rock, and New Orleans across the Panhandle and back up North. By the time we were passing through Fairfax, our car (the famous 'Lissmobile' '89 Red Astrovan) was a total mess. It was 2 a.m., Osband was at the wheel and got lost and made an illegal turn. Big mistake in Fairfax. We were immediately pulled over and 4 cops spent the next 2 hours combing over every inch of our van until 4 in the morning. They of course found nothing except a legal pill case with prescription medication.

Every so often, the Alpha Male of the group would say 'I know that's ecstasy in the pill case - you boys are in a heap of trouble.' He also asked us if we were following the Dead around - I had to break him the news that Jerry Garcia had died 7 years earlier. He was a pretty sorry excuse for a human being, relishing every tiny bit of authority he had. They also found fireworks which though legal pretty much everywhere south of the Mason Dixon line were illegal on that one stretch of road we happened to find ourselves on.

To conclude, if you happen to ever find yourself in Fairfax County, VA, run like hell. They don't look kindly on people like yourself, unless you've never before had a bottle of prescription medication in your possession and of course never been naked, even in your own home.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yoni, when I first read the story I was also horrified that what someone does in their own home can have such repercussions. Then I read some other accounts, and the mother claims that he deliberately posed and 'exposed' himself at the window twice. That becomes a different story altogether IMHO (especially as the mother of a young son myself).

Common Sense said...

If that's the case, then yes. However I have to say based on personal experience in Fairfax that law enforcement is archaic and totally out of line there. Please post links to those other sources - I'd like to inspect them ;-)

Unknown said...

The woman who made the complaint is the wife of a Fairfax police officer. They let you keep the chocolate, right? ;)

Unknown said...

I remember that Astro van! It served us well in Ohio.

Common Sense said...

Hell's yeah - it survived one of the craziest storms I've ever been in!