What Having Your Own State Is All About

So the state of building construction in Jerusalem is pretty much fucked. First we have a million and one developers capitalizing on the fact real estate prices never seem to fall in this city coupled with the fact Jews in America and Europe have lots of money and a desire to own a vacation home in Judaism's holiest city that they wish to frequent 2-3 weeks a year. That pretty much comprises all the building in west Jerusalem. None of it is affordable for people that actually live and earn their living in the city, not to mention frequent its businesses and cultural institutions more than 2 weeks a year.

Then you have the leader of the free world breathing down our backs on building over the 1949 armistice line - something to which our government has steadfastly refused. All the new building on this side of the city for Jews is of the affordable type that people like myself that work here can actually afford to buy on an Israeli salary (My apartment is technically located in what was no man's land so its status according to Obamalamadingdong may be somewhat murky).

Enter the Holyland building scandal. If you haven't heard about it, it's pretty much been the top story in the news here for weeks. Basically, what has emerged is that the way you get a building permit anywhere in Jerusalem is by pretty much bribing the entire city council from the mayor on down. The scandal even involves several members of the national government. Apparently there are similar bribery procedures in every major city in Israel if you want to get any serious building done.

Fit these pieces together and the picture becomes very clear: Obama has provided the perfect pretext for the people running this city and country to insist their continued building in Jerusalem is part of some high-minded Zionist principal, when it's really just a pretext to use their power to accept as many bribes as possible.

But isn't that what having your own state is all about. For 2,000 years Jews had to stand idly by while our gentile overlords took as many bribes as they could. Now we have our own state - we're the ones who get to dispense and take the bribes. That's what the line in Hatikva means when it says 'To be a free people in our own homeland.'

And that is what Palestinian statehood will ultimately be all about. Because this is the Middle East after all. Doesn't the Palestinian leadership deserve the same right to dispense building permits in Jerusalem in exchange for enormous kickbacks as Jews do? Certainly this unalienable right even the 'rightists' among you wouldn't deny them.

And if you disagree with me, I have a brand spanking new fiver that may help change your mind.

Obama Throws Like a Girly Man

There, I said it! Please don't hang me in effigy, liberal media. I really love Obama. I promise. I'll be good. I'll never again insult a sitting American President unless he speaks with a funny southern accent (that applies to everyone since Jimmie 'I'm a senile asshole' Carter through 'W.' (aka 'we've got') Bush (thank you Revenge of the Nerds!), and with the exception of 'ole Alzheimer's' Ronald.

Courtesy of the Daily Bail:



A friend and coworker of mine (shout out to Shira J. - whoo hoo, you're famous!) claims the pitch was actually not bad. My response was 'he's not handicapped and it's only 60 feet to home plate so actually it was fairly pathetic.'

And the Daily Bail's got my back:

I'm pretty sure James H.'s 7 year-old daughter has a better arm. (Editor's note: James' daughter is only 5, but sources confirm she throws harder than Barry.)

I just hope O's foreing policy is more on target than his fastball (bdum dum ching)...

Carlos, You Asshole

Gay people have once again proven why they're cooler than straights. That's right Elton John and Carlos Santana, I'm talking about you. I know this is a bit old but I just saw it yesterday.

Basically, Santana's road team tried blaming the cancelation of his June 3 Tel Aviv gig on scheduling issues but people on the Israeli production side have learned that the real reason he cancelled was due to anti-israel pressure placed on the rapidly aging rockstar. And he's still playing shows in Europe the week prior so his scheduling claims seem like a load of Mexican bullcrap.

Sir Elton on the other hand has been under intense pressure to cancel his Ramat Gan show since early February. And he hails from one of the most anti-Israel countries on earth, at least based on popular attitudes. Santana lives in a bastion of pro-Israel support, at least as far as the average American is concerned. I guess it's ok for Carlos to play shows all over a country that uses drones to kill innocent muslims in Afghanistan and Pakistan. But when it comes to Israel, all bets are off.

But enough about politics, because that's what they want us to focus on instead of the music, right? And music is about bringing people together and at its best, about making us better people on some visceral level. Elton John understands this. If music can't transcend politics, then what can? And that's why the Common Sensorium hates ideologues, right and left. Because it's all politics, all the time to them. And that's just lame.

In truth, I never bought a ticket to Santana anyway; concerts are expensive here so I had to pick my poison and I chose Elton for various reasons you will hear about when he comes in June. In the meantime, Viva l'Elton. It turns out Santana's just a big tool anyway.

Is It Wrong to Put a Baby's Penis in Your Mouth?

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Andre's Open: I'd recommend It to Anyone

Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I actually finished this over the weekend but have been in transit and haven't had a chance to properly review yet. This book was simply awesome. Being a regular tennis player and fan certainly helped but I would recommend it to anyone. It's well-written, with suspenseful story-telling, and runs the full gamut of human emotion. To read Agassi's transformation from a selfish kid in the public eye, a 9th grade dropout with little self-knowledge, to a loving husband, father and a mentor to underprivileged kids in his hometown of Vegas is to actually experience it. Ghost writer J.R. Moehringer does an awesome job laying Agassi's feelings bare (and he's one emotional dude!). I laughed, cried and everything in between. It is, more than anything, a triumph of the human spirit.

P.S. I originally wrote this for my Good Reads account (http://www.goodreads.com) - I'd recommend the site to anyone who enjoy reading and sharing reviews with friends.

Reagan-Era Propaganda

Fun Facts About This Commercial

• It must have really worked, because I still remember it perfectly!
• Note the eery background music. Very scary indeed.
• Ronald Reagan's brain may have really looked like that at the time this commercial was made, because he likely had Alzheimer's Disease by the mid-80s.
  
• I really like the way fried eggs taste, especially when you leave the yoke a little 'juicy'.
  
• Last thing: If you stare at the egg yoke very closely, it sort of looks like those biology videos where a female egg is being fertilized.

Getting Infected by Fake Balkans in Jerusalem

So it's been a good month of late-night partying in the parking lots of Jerusalem. First, we had a 'Black Party' with world beatsters Balkan Beat Box in mid-November, put on by the Iriyah (City Hall), in the parking lot just under city hall. Then on Thursday night, Infected Mushroom brought their psychedelic mix of electronica, metal, trip hop and breakbeat to another parking lot in the city center, directly across from the Supreme Court.

Of course Mayor Nir Barakat was at both shows making sure all the young Jerusalemites out there know how much he cares about us and getting a photo op in a room with 5,000 after-midnight revelers. His speech before Infected was especially messianic and went something like this: "You can feel a change happening in Jerusalem, a deep and meaningful change in the air. We're taking back the city." He got raucous applause for that last remark.

The crowds at both shows were mainly people in their mid-to-late 20s into their mid-30s. The crowd was definitely shadier at Infected Mushroom, with the smell of high grade marijuana everywhere by the time Infected took the stage at 1:30 a.m. My brother also almost got my credit card and license stolen outside an hour earlier - I had given them to him to pick up our will call tickets and I'm still not sure what happened exactly but it was a stressful first 15 minutes to the night.

I had already come off a high of running a successful live event for the financial website I work for ending at about 10:30 p.m. local time and requiring many hours of preparation in advance, so by the time Infected came on, I was ready to throw down. The crew was me, my brother, Oren N. who had a big shit-eating grin for most of the night though he doesn't especially like electronic music, and Ilana Rachel of Nachlaot fame. She had quite a story herself as she almost got crushed by the crowd from her front row spot and had to be pulled out by a 250 pound Russian security guard.

Musically, both concerts were on a very high level but Balkan Beat Box was definitely the better of the two shows in my opinion. I wanted Infected to stretch out the electronic interludes more at many points but they kept mixing in more vocals, and I'm not the biggest fan of some of their newer stuff.

I first got into them when I was volunteering on Kibbutz Ketura down in the Arava Valley, 50k north of Eilat. They had just released their double disk, Converting Vegetarians, and I still think the 2nd disk of that album is their best (and one of my top 25 favorite albums of all time - I'll have to draw up an actual list at some point). Some of the local kibbutz kids that I used to go to trance parties with were into them and that second disk was a favorite during the after party unwind.

Anyway, for all the complaining I hear at times that Israel is a live music wasteland, I've caught some great shows since getting here over 5 years ago including Medeski Martin and Wood, Arrested Development, Air, and now BBB and Infected Mushroom. And that doesn't count local favorites Shotei Hanevua who Simone and I saw 10 times before they broke up, Jazz master Avishai Cohen and the now defunct Third World Love.

Check out some pics from the shows (Jerusalem.com/Ben J. gets credit for the first 3) - as always, good times:

Balkan Beat Box (11.11.09)

Barakat works the crowd at Balkan Beat Box

Fans, dressed in Black, wait for Balkan to take the stage

The opener for Balkan, Reggaestan, with my old friend Ziv playing the bass

Simone gets ready to get down

Me in black with some new wave flourishes on my head and toes

Simone, Ora, Charlotte

A crowd shot during Balkan's set

Infected Mushroom (12.17.09)

Infected with large blow-up Mushroom behind them. That thing had some strange eyes, I'm telling you!

Some videos of Infected from Thursday night, 7th night of Chanukah