Do You Think You Can Run From A Global Ideology Of Hatred?

Because if you do, you definitely don't want to be in Israel right now. The hate-filled muslim masses that surround this region's only non-muslim state (a state lived in by Jews 1,500 years before the advent of Islam) are no closer to accepting non-muslims in their backyard now then they were when they tried to drive us into the sea shortly after the U.N. voted to partition part of this land to us 65 years ago.

Just for the fear-minded non-Islamists among you, those who can't understand why anyone would want to live in a war zone, even if it is their historic right to live there, I've come up with some other places that aren't safe. Avoid these places at all costs: the scary Islamo-fascist boogieman may target you there. After all, they have in the past. Or they've tried to. And if someone scary targets you, it's always best to simply give in. You certainly wouldn't want to make them mad.

1) Avoid countries with large muslim populations - from Bali to India to Istanbul to Cairo, non-muslims and moderate muslims have been targeted across the muslim world. If you're the type that prefers to run away from evil and anything scary, I suggest you avoid these places at all costs.

2) Avoid New York City - the largest terrorist attack in modern history occurred there and there have been several other plots foiled there. Who know when the next successful one will be?

3) Avoid large European cities: London, Madrid, Amsterdam, Moscow - the list of places attacked by islamists across the European continent stretches on and on. And the next attack is just as likely to take place in a city that hasn't been targeted before as it is in one that has. They like to keep the element of surprise at play.

4) Avoid non-muslim places of worship - especially synagogues. Islamists have plotted to blow up houses of worship the world over (and occasionally succeeded). Do you really think one empty cop car parked outside your synagogue on the high holidays will foil an enemy determined to kill above all else?

5) Avoid flying - 9/11 may have culminated in NY and DC but the planes were hijacked from a variety of places. And the news is constantly filled with stories of muslim terrorists plotting attacks on airplanes. Just to be safe, avoid the aviation industry entirely.

6) Avoid western countries with large muslim populations - while most muslims aren't terrorists, most terrorists that have plotted against western targets have been muslim, of the fundamentalist variety. And just because they haven't managed to successfully kill a bunch of innocent civilians in your country yet, doesn't mean they haven't been trying. Australia, Canada, Germany - these places and many others may not have been successfully attacked yet but that's only because local law enforcement has broken up numerous plots to attack innocent civilians. I say better safe than sorry.

So there you have it. I hear we'll be colonizing the moon within a century or so. So if you just hold out, you may finally be able to escape those scary Islamists for once and all. Because right or wrong, who wants to live in fear? It's best to just run and hide.

Me - I'm sick of running and hiding. I've been doing that for 2 millennia. So I'll just stay right where I am. Where would I go anyway?

Feeling Saucy? Come for the Vermouth, Stay for the Anus

You gotta love the lack of spellchecking on English signs in Israel but this one was a classic - even for here.

From our drink menu on Saturday (photo taken by my sister Sara):

click to enlarge

As they say around these parts, L'Chaim! Drink Up!

Fun With Popular Expressions

Here at the Common Sensorium we like to turn common sense on its head. In that light, I've been playing around with popular expressions lately during some of my spare thinking time (that's about 7 minutes a day for those of you counting) and came up with this list (some of which are admittedly just downright silly and some of which I've heard before and just can't remember from where):

• Religion is the opiate of the masses - except in China, where Opium is the opiate of the masses
• Why buy the cow if you can have sex with it for free? (Gabe P. astutely points out this is from Mallrats)
• 1 in the bush is better than 2 hand jobs
• Bigger bang for your fuck
• A Pap Smear a day means the doctor is gay
• Revenge is a dish best served before dessert
• Up shit's creek without any toilet paper
• Absynthe makes the heart grow drunker
• Don't bite the dick that fucks you (HT David Allan Coe)

• This just in from Ben Feuer: Vermouth shall set you free

The Latest 'Fun' From Tahrir Square

Jeff Goldberg brings us the latest 'fun' from Cairo:
http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/06/cairo-is-no-place-for-a-woman/259063/

For those people still clinging to the dream, despite reality intervening in the ensuing 18 months, that the Arab spring was actually a good thing, it's time to admit that maybe the mass of Egyptians aren't ready for democracy, to respect minority (including women's rights) and that it's safe to say now that they've elected an islamist president and parliament that things will be considerably worse for the masses there (largely a result of their own doing).

Before Mubarak was deposed, they had less freedom: less freedom to rape, pillage, rob, murder, harass. I spent a week in Cairo in 1999 and this sort of thing never could have happened then. Arab societies seem to breed a disdain for the other, be they Coptic Christians, Jews, their own women, Westerners. That doesn't bode well for a true democracy (a system that affects people daily and not just when they vote once a decade), where everyone's rights are respected both in creed and deed

P.S. As my colleague Michael Lipkin says, "There's nothing more dangerous than 10th century morality combined with 21st century technology."

Purim Mix 2012 - Who'll Stop The Rain?

So I like to get thematic in my purim mixes. This great tradition has been carried down from the generations, starting with my father in maybe the late 70s (if I had to guess an exact date). This year's theme is 'Who'll Stop The Rain?' after what is probably the 'wettest' winter I've ever experienced anywhere. Now I'm sure the authorities will still claim that with all the rain and flooding we got here in Israel, we barely made a dent in the national water deficit. That's little consolation though for someone whose apartment walls and ceiling are still drying out 4 full days after being battered by half a meter of rain in 4 days.

My mixes follow a general logic - bring 'em in with upbeat tunes that aren't too pumped up, gradually ease into the central theme, then close strong with pumped up jams.

Here goes (click for bigger view):


Happy Purim to one and all!

In Case There Was Any Doubt As To The Nerdiness/Intelligence Of Phish Fans...

This discussion is currently raging on the message boards on Phish.net, the band's largest fan site: http://blog.phish.net/1326056166/a-few-choice-words-on-scalpin

Most band fan sites would just complain about exorbitant scalping prices and that would be the end of it. But Phish fans have to get into a discussion about the history of scalping in the U.S. dating back to pre-civil war times, particularly Charles Dickens' 1851 book reading tour. The annecdote about Madison Square Garden colluding with scalpers in the early 20th century is also pretty darn amusing - the more things change the more they stay the same.