Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What Having Your Own State Is All About

So the state of building construction in Jerusalem is pretty much fucked. First we have a million and one developers capitalizing on the fact real estate prices never seem to fall in this city coupled with the fact Jews in America and Europe have lots of money and a desire to own a vacation home in Judaism's holiest city that they wish to frequent 2-3 weeks a year. That pretty much comprises all the building in west Jerusalem. None of it is affordable for people that actually live and earn their living in the city, not to mention frequent its businesses and cultural institutions more than 2 weeks a year.

Then you have the leader of the free world breathing down our backs on building over the 1949 armistice line - something to which our government has steadfastly refused. All the new building on this side of the city for Jews is of the affordable type that people like myself that work here can actually afford to buy on an Israeli salary (My apartment is technically located in what was no man's land so its status according to Obamalamadingdong may be somewhat murky).

Enter the Holyland building scandal. If you haven't heard about it, it's pretty much been the top story in the news here for weeks. Basically, what has emerged is that the way you get a building permit anywhere in Jerusalem is by pretty much bribing the entire city council from the mayor on down. The scandal even involves several members of the national government. Apparently there are similar bribery procedures in every major city in Israel if you want to get any serious building done.

Fit these pieces together and the picture becomes very clear: Obama has provided the perfect pretext for the people running this city and country to insist their continued building in Jerusalem is part of some high-minded Zionist principal, when it's really just a pretext to use their power to accept as many bribes as possible.

But isn't that what having your own state is all about. For 2,000 years Jews had to stand idly by while our gentile overlords took as many bribes as they could. Now we have our own state - we're the ones who get to dispense and take the bribes. That's what the line in Hatikva means when it says 'To be a free people in our own homeland.'

And that is what Palestinian statehood will ultimately be all about. Because this is the Middle East after all. Doesn't the Palestinian leadership deserve the same right to dispense building permits in Jerusalem in exchange for enormous kickbacks as Jews do? Certainly this unalienable right even the 'rightists' among you wouldn't deny them.

And if you disagree with me, I have a brand spanking new fiver that may help change your mind.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Obama Throws Like a Girly Man

There, I said it! Please don't hang me in effigy, liberal media. I really love Obama. I promise. I'll be good. I'll never again insult a sitting American President unless he speaks with a funny southern accent (that applies to everyone since Jimmie 'I'm a senile asshole' Carter through 'W.' (aka 'we've got') Bush (thank you Revenge of the Nerds!), and with the exception of 'ole Alzheimer's' Ronald.

Courtesy of the Daily Bail:



A friend and coworker of mine (shout out to Shira J. - whoo hoo, you're famous!) claims the pitch was actually not bad. My response was 'he's not handicapped and it's only 60 feet to home plate so actually it was fairly pathetic.'

And the Daily Bail's got my back:
I'm pretty sure James H.'s 7 year-old daughter has a better arm. (Editor's note: James' daughter is only 5, but sources confirm she throws harder than Barry.)
I just hope O's foreing policy is more on target than his fastball (bdum dum ching)...